For the last couple of weeks, William has been required, in school, to practice for a program that will be put on tomorrow. They're singing music from The Lion King, and I'm not sure what else. He doesn't want to do it. I know he doesn't like being surrounded by the crowd of kids onstage. He doesn't like facing the crowd in the audience. Sometimes the music is too loud and overwhelms him. He purposely misbehaves during practices, because he's hoping that will get him sent to time out, which is just sitting out in the hallway.
Today when his brother and I arrived at the school to get him, we saw them practicing in the gym. The door where we have to enter is in full view of the gym stage and he had apparently been doing okay until he saw me. He believes my appearance is his signal to leave the gym and came running to me, teachers chasing after him. It took an argument and a slight tussle to get him back to his place. As we were leaving the school, I asked him (again) what his deal is when it comes to this program. He said, "That gym is just too big for me." That may not make sense to some people, but I caught his meaning right away. He has a very hard time explaining himself, but once in a while he hits the bulls eye. I think his senses get overwhelmed and that's very upsetting to him. It's too much noise, too much light, too many people, and too much space. I think that someone who doesn't have autism just can't understand what it might feel like to have great things crushing in upon them, making them smaller and smaller to the point where they might just disappear altogether. Maybe it isn't like that at all-that's just my analogy. I have had sudden panic attacks in crowds. I once left a New Year's Eve party at quarter to midnight. I had to get out of there. I think I may have some small understanding about how he feels with these things. Ever been in a Hard Rock Cafe where the music was so loud it drowned out everything else and made you feel like hiding under the table? Imagine being affected that way by what we consider normal noise levels.
He has been overly sensitive to almost everything since the day he was born. Touch, sound, light, food, anything-but particularly touch. Practicing for this program is also not part of the normal schedule, and that upsets him too. He loves the songs, and sings them at home. So, here's hoping his program goes well tomorrow!
I also need to mention-I hope it doesn't sound like I think the teachers are mean for making him do the program. I don't! I just got back from the program, and he did a great job, and everything went absolutely fine. I yearn for normal parent moments. I want to be able to go to an assembly and watch my kid sing. I sat there this morning and thought about all he has gone through in his life, all he has accomplished, and all that teachers and teacher's aides and therapists have done for him over the years. These people have devoted their professional lives (and their hearts as well, I suspect) to these children and their betterment, and some of them are danged good at it. So thank you, to all of you who have spent your lives in helping William and all these other kids who need you so much. You know who you are.
Today when his brother and I arrived at the school to get him, we saw them practicing in the gym. The door where we have to enter is in full view of the gym stage and he had apparently been doing okay until he saw me. He believes my appearance is his signal to leave the gym and came running to me, teachers chasing after him. It took an argument and a slight tussle to get him back to his place. As we were leaving the school, I asked him (again) what his deal is when it comes to this program. He said, "That gym is just too big for me." That may not make sense to some people, but I caught his meaning right away. He has a very hard time explaining himself, but once in a while he hits the bulls eye. I think his senses get overwhelmed and that's very upsetting to him. It's too much noise, too much light, too many people, and too much space. I think that someone who doesn't have autism just can't understand what it might feel like to have great things crushing in upon them, making them smaller and smaller to the point where they might just disappear altogether. Maybe it isn't like that at all-that's just my analogy. I have had sudden panic attacks in crowds. I once left a New Year's Eve party at quarter to midnight. I had to get out of there. I think I may have some small understanding about how he feels with these things. Ever been in a Hard Rock Cafe where the music was so loud it drowned out everything else and made you feel like hiding under the table? Imagine being affected that way by what we consider normal noise levels.
He has been overly sensitive to almost everything since the day he was born. Touch, sound, light, food, anything-but particularly touch. Practicing for this program is also not part of the normal schedule, and that upsets him too. He loves the songs, and sings them at home. So, here's hoping his program goes well tomorrow!
I also need to mention-I hope it doesn't sound like I think the teachers are mean for making him do the program. I don't! I just got back from the program, and he did a great job, and everything went absolutely fine. I yearn for normal parent moments. I want to be able to go to an assembly and watch my kid sing. I sat there this morning and thought about all he has gone through in his life, all he has accomplished, and all that teachers and teacher's aides and therapists have done for him over the years. These people have devoted their professional lives (and their hearts as well, I suspect) to these children and their betterment, and some of them are danged good at it. So thank you, to all of you who have spent your lives in helping William and all these other kids who need you so much. You know who you are.
William did well in the morning program but not in the afternoon. He started to cry in the middle of the song and had to sit out in the hall for a while. He said, "I ruined my program." I asked him "Are you glad that you ruined your program?" I only asked him that because I know that sometimes he acts up on purpose to get out of things. He said, "No, I'm not glad." Then he just got up and went back in to his place. I thought maybe he would be ok, but he refused to sing, wouldn't even stay standing. Finally, I think because he was sitting and everyone else was standing, one of the teachers took him out and I took him down to his classroom. He was very upset.
ReplyDeleteWhat a challenge you have Jane. You must be one amazing woman. Truly an example to many others. Thank you for sharing your story through this blog.
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Thank you, you well behaved Mormon woman, you.
DeleteJane, I am going to try this again. When I read about the "program", it reminded me of times at OO.
ReplyDeleteHe did not like going to birthday parties. He would make every "red" choice he could think of to keep himself from going. I realized what he was up to and we worked on using words rather than actions. I should add: he liked the other teacher and the other children. He did not like the noise, confusion and lack of structure a party presented.
What made me a little sad or should I say jealous. I felt the same but was not able to act out like he could. In my head and sometimes to him I would share that I would rather not go but had to go.
Some times he would go and learn that he did want to participate. Sometimes it was only for one game but it was one more game than if he hadn't gone.
Thank you for your replies. Gmail is supposed to notify me if anyone replies, and it didn't! Ann, he is still doing that for sure! I have been telling his current teacher since the beginning of the year to watch this, and she certainly notices that he does it. He made a mess with rice the other day, and his consequence was-he had to clean it up, with the carpet sweeper. I'm like, are you kidding? He told me about it, and even admitted that was why he spilled the rice. I told her the next day, "you made his day". And she said, "Oh, yeah, that's right, huh?" BUT she said, cleaning up a mess you made is still a consequence. He still hates the parties. Tries whatever he can to get out of them! I keep telling him, instead of making bad choices to get out of a party or activity, talk to the teachers and tell them you don't want to go. Though, they might make him go anyway. Nice and honest of you-admitting you wish you could act out too! And sometimes, you know, we do, I think. I know I do it.
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